we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
