We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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