I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
