can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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