I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
