So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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