i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
