I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
