Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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