Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
