dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
