i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize