Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
