DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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