Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
