Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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