At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
