He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
