I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
did you just send me my own nude
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize