i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
