whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
