He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Text me some of your sweat
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
