Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
