he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
