did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
