oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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