I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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