I'm going to jail i love you
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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