Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
