Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
