billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
