i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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