I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
