Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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