it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
