nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
