you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
