I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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