i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
