At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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