after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
