i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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