My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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