I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
