If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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