i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
