All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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