walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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