I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
birth control should be required to get into college
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Randomize
