my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
