May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
