Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
