her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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