dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
