I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
