Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
