If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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