you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
