I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
