He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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