I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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