he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
