I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize