i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
