hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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