And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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