Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
