i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
40s are totally the cure
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
