Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize