I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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