you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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