I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
