so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
