Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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