look no pants
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
